So I Got Tagged With This Lucky Seven Thing And So Here Are “Seven” Lines From Waiting on the Dead

Pretty much on exactly the same day that I got picked for my incredibly prestigious award (I’m still waiting for my statuette. I get a statuette, right?), I also got hit with something else. No, not the bus that many people have waited years for, but something that’s actually pretty cool. I’ll let the awesome Candice Bundy explain:

The rules for this one are quite simple:

1. Go to page 77 of your current ms.
2. Go to line 7.
3. Copy down the next 7 lines/sentences, and post them as they’re written. No cheating.
4. Tag 7 other victims, …er, authors.

Also available in an attractive v-neck for the ladies!

In her post, she asked, as an offal lover, for a bit of Waiting on the Dead. Her request hit me at a pretty difficult time in my writing. In short, I hate it. I’m good with the blog posts, but halfway through the editing of The Storm of Northreach I just hit the wall. It’s not good enough. I’m not good enough to fix it. You know, the typical angsty writer bullshit that every one of us whiny little narcissists go through periodically. Well, fine, that THIS whiny little narcissist goes through from time to time. I’m trying to get through it, there are a couple of things that need to be addressed, and part of it has nothing to do with writing but involves the other production shit and WHINE WHINE WHINE I WANT A PONY.

I hope to be over that soon.

Rise of the Ricktator: Walking Dead S2 Finale Review

Because using the sights is a total pussy move.

It’s been a long slog through Season 2, one that began with such high hopes and ended with, well, this season. When a show about a zombie apocalypse spends more time on domestic drama, gender roles, and the ethics of becoming pregnant during Doomsday, it makes for slightly less compelling television. Anyway, I’m glad the season is over. If Season 3 began tomorrow, I’d be completely unable to watch it. Maybe having some time and perspective will open my eyes to the creative team that is layering such subtext and melodrama into a rich tapestry of… yeah, uh, we’ll have to see.

Here we go. When last we saw Carl and his stupid hat, the kid had wandered off and watched his dad shiv Shane after talking him down from shooting him. Then the zombies came pouring out of the woods. Remember how last week I said not to worry about where this magical horde came from and why they were milling around 300 yards away from a house full of their favorite meal? Well, the show didn’t listen. Instead, they decided to show us where they came from. Atlanta. See, they were eating something when a helicopter flew by. Apparently the meal in front of them was lousy, because they immediately left it behind to follow the helicopter that soon disappeared from sight. I guess other zombies saw them moving and were like, OK, I’ll see what’s up. Somehow, they managed to avoid getting distracted by anything while swelling in numbers, until they arrived in the woods where they waited around and heard Carl shoot his gun and that made them come out of the trees. They were better off not showing us where they came from, because it’s not like their explanation makes any sense.

Hey, I’ve Got a Great Plan: Walking Dead Season 2 Episode 2

OK. I was very hopeful after the first episode that things in Walking Dead Land would get better. In truth, I did like this episode more overall than the first, but it still had some pretty glaring problems. And for the record, I didn’t read the comic books this series is based on, so if they’re following the books to the letter (which they aren’t) and you want to say that the things they are depicting happened in the comic books, that’s fine. It doesn’t make the story problems magically go away. But anyway.

The episode starts with a flashback. Why, I’m not sure, since the flashback told us things that we already knew: Grimes gets shot, his partner the Ma-Shane tells his wife, who then tells her kid. We never saw it happen, but it seemed reasonable to assume that it would happen roughly along those lines. Maybe they thought we forgot he was shot and in a coma despite being reminded of it every single time Shane and that harpy of a wife have a conversation. Maybe they wanted to illustrate how difficult and heart-wrenching it is to be told that a family member you love has been shot, which I think most people probably would intuitively understand. Or perhaps they wanted to show that Shane wanted to bang his buddy’s wife and Rick and the harridan were having marital problems before he was shot, but the fact that the two started humping pretty quickly also does a good job of suggesting that perhaps there was some sort of attraction there. Most likely, I think the writers felt they needed a huge sign that says LOOK AT THE JUXTAPOSITION AND ROLE REVERSAL HERE! because they believe the average television viewer is dumb as fuck.

My Thoughts on The Walking Dead, Season 2 Episode 1

I don’t know if I’ll do this for every episode of the AMC series, but I had enough thoughts about the first episode that I figured I’d babble on about them. At least I think I have enough thoughts. It’s really early and I’m tired so maybe I just have one thought bouncing in my head and it’s I LIKE CHEESE and this post will end up moldering in the Drafts area for a few months before it gets thrown out like a 7-year-old box of baking soda that hangs out in the fridge for some nebulous reason like “fighting odor” when I’m not really sure what odors there are to combat in a refrigerator but ANYWAY.

So, Walking Dead is back. I watched it last night. As a writer who spends an inordinate amount of time writing zombie stories, most people assume that I love reading about zombies and watching zombie movies and going to zombie dress-up events and all that stuff. I’ve got a secret. I actually don’t. Yes, I love every George Romero zombie film there is, even the ones no one else does. I love the Resident Evil movies, but that is also due to the Milla Jojovich factor, the actress that I have a free pass for from my wife for when we meet (right, honey? Honey? It was a joke! Honey? /grumble /makes couch into bed). I love Max Brooks’ zombie novels (and cringe when I think what Brad Pitt is going to do to World War Z. Just when I started to respect him as an actor and whatnot.). And honestly? That’s about it. There’s a couple throwaways like Planet of the Dead that I enjoy as well, but there is an awful lot that I don’t really care for in the slightest.

The First Draft Beginning of the Unnamed Project

Earlier today, I posted about the new project I’ve started. Read that, then this. Remember: help me choose a title, and the contributor of said title gets immortalized forever by being one of the people eaten messily in the story.

It’s the first draft, so forgive me if it sucks. Let me know if it does, though, just so I can try to fix it.

Anyway, this is how it begins:

Chapter 8 Excerpt from The Storm of Anticus

From yesterday’s output:

After an interminable score of heartbeats, Beans appeared with Crumb’s arm slung over his shoulders, supporting the man’s weight as they staggered down the short set of stairs from the inn’s door.  Crumb had his large, hairy-knuckled hand pressed tightly against his neck as his thick lips moved in what seemed like a never-ending stream of curses.  Villios could see the slow ebb of blood seeping through the man’s fingers and was thankful – a pierced artery would be doing much more than just seeping.

Five Zombie Things for Wednesday, May 12

1.  I was asked not long ago whether I thought Zombieland was the funniest zombie movie of all time.  I said it wasn’t; I still think Shaun of the Dead is the best zombie comedy ever.  My opinion was met with disbelief and indignation, but I haven’t changed my mind.  Zombieland is very funny, absolutely; I laughed out loud a lot, enjoyed Bill Murray’s cameo (to a point, see below), loved Woody Harrelson and the Rules.  The reason I like Shaun better is primarily the reason why I prefer British to American comedy styles overall.  For the most part, Shaun is clever rather than slapstick and over-the-top, a bit more subtle overall.  There is something in every scene to notice and store away, because it’ll get referenced later.  The people involved aren’t ridiculously gorgeous (typical American movie issue, though), and the whole is a nice, seamless zombie movie that also happens to be funny.  My main two problems with Zombieland that knock it from the top spot: fast zombies, and the “joke” Bill Murray pulls that gets him killed.  No one would do that to a person heavily armed and in a zombie apocalypse.  Again, I get it, it’s a joke, haha, but it jarred me out of the suspension of disbelief I happily had going until then.

The Curse of Troius: A Zombie Fantasy Novel

That’s my book!  Buy it on Amazon, CreateSpace, or other online retailers!  Join the Facebook page for excerpts and other news!  Woot!

Exposing Zombie Myth #1

Pop culture is always about getting things wrong from the sake of entertainment.  The world will end in 2012!  At least it will if you listen to the crackpot Mayan calendar idiots.  The Mayans would have a bit more credence with me if their nifty calendar predicted their own civilization’s downfall.  Zombies are not immune to pop culture’s relentless assault on truth, so here I will elucidate and try to correct one of the biggest myths about zombies: that they eat brains.